Today I find myself thinking about where my life is going. This is one of those days where I wonder to myself, "What's next for me?" ~ "What do I have left to offer?" ~ "Is my story finished or are there more chapters to be written?" Some may call this floundering; others may call it a pity party; I call it self-reflection.
Most of my life has been "scripted". I've always had a "purpose", something to fulfill. Since my marriage in 1988, I've been a wife, a mother, a career woman, and then a grandmother. After, the death of my mother in 1996, I left my career to be a stay at home Mom, doing daycare to help make ends meet and to be home with my young children. Once they were old enough, I returned to my career. Then came grandchildren and the decision was made to leave my job and watch those babies! No greater joy and that has been my purpose for the past soon to be 8 years. But now, as the I contemplate the impending school year, when both of my grandchildren will be in school full time, I find myself wondering what I'm going to do now.
I know that my story is written by the author of life, but somehow I can't seem to see the writing on the pages of the next chapter and this uncertainty has me freaking out a little. I'm a planner for the most part. I have a day planner with the days filled in, knowing what is coming and where I need to be, so to be so unsure of what God's plan is for me in unnerving. It has been very clear to me that tomorrow is not a given and that only God knows what is to come, but it can't hurt to plan for the future, however long it may be.
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Proverbs 16:3 tells me: "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
But what if I don't know what my plans are? Ahhhh Uncertainty!
I suppose this is one of those times when I need to let go and let God. When I can't be specific in my prayers, but instead just have to let Him know that I am struggling and need His guidance. Then patiently wait. (Not something I am good at!)
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you," says the Lord. Psalm 32:8
I trust that my God will make my path clear. I know that whatever His purpose for me, however big or small, He will make it known. My God only wants what is good for me and pleasing to Him and so I give up to Him.
"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:4-5
Hoping, trusting, praying, waiting, and listening.
Until next time,
God bless
Cat
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