A Letter to Heaven

Dear Mommy,
It's hard to believe that you have been in heaven for 17 years as of today! It seems like only yesterday that I was telling you for the last time how much I love you and what a wonderful mother and grandmother you were.  The images and sounds of that day are so vivid in my memory that it's as if I am there in that moment.  I cry a lot this time of year.  It seems that everything to do with Christmas reminds me of you and even though there are times I smile, it's just not the same without you.  I know my grief is selfish, for I know that you are happy, whole and reunited with the one true love of your life, Daddy.  Besides, there can't be a more festive place this time of year then Heaven! You, lucky lady, are sharing in the live Nativity!

So, Mommy, I was sitting here at home this week, thinking about my memories of you and I wanted to know if you remember them too. So do you? Do you remember how you would chase me across the lawn yelling, "Catherine Marie don't go down that hill!" I do, and so do most of the other kids in the old neighborhood.  Do you remember walking me to school with your hair rolled in pink curlers? I do, and hopefully no one else will.  Do you remember the first time you held Mandy? I do, you supported me through my entire pregnancy and you got to hand her to me.  Do you remember when Chuck ask for my hand in marriage? I do, you told me I could never ask for a better man to be my husband.  You were right and we're still together 25 years later! Do you remember how you would take Mandy, RC and Aaron to Eastpoint Mall for lunch every payday? I do and they still talk about that.  Do you remember how you use to ask say to me, "Cathy, where's your lipstick? You look dead!" I do, and now my best friend tells me that all the time! Do you remember how much you enjoyed Chuck's Christmas decorations? I do and he does them every year in your memory.

There is one memory, Mommy, that stands out the most and has had the biggest affect on my life.  Do you remember, right before you died, you asked us to find a church for us to go to? I do and so does Chuck.  We did that Mom and that was the best thing you ever asked of us. We are 16 year active members of Mountain Christian Church.  Chuck and I have been a part of the church growth that we have seen go from 1 campus of 600 to 2 campus of 4,000 to now a church that meets in 3 separate locations.  Mommy, the years of prayers for Chuck to believe have been answered and he and I are active in Bible study; we serve our community while riding our motorcycles with the Mountain Riders (yes, you read that right Mom, I said motorcycles!); and we have been instrumental in helping start up the newest church campus in the town you loved, Edgewood. 

I'm not sure you knew what kind of impact your request would how on our lives.  We didn't go looking for change, but to merely honor your wishes.  Instead, God had something entirely different in mind for us.  Mommy, you know that I was really angry with God when Daddy died, and I had turned my back on Him completely, but today I can say He is my Rock! While I use to deal with things on my own in my own way, today, I rely on Him.  When times are hard, and I feel like I can't go on, He is my strength. When I feel alone, abandon, and scorned, He is my unfailing love.  When I feel anxious and scared, He is my comfort and biggest cheerleader.  And when I feel unworthy and burdened by sin, He is my Savior.

Mommy, it is because you initiated this relationship with God, that I can enjoy the idea of being reunited with you in Heaven. Your request gave us a gift that is eternal! While, I may cry selfish tears of sadness because I miss you, I can rejoice in knowing that being apart is only temporary; that when God says He is finished with me on this earth, we too will be reunited.  All this because the love of a mother inspired her to make a request and all because the Father loved us so much to send His Son, born in a manger, only to live, suffer and die on the cross to guarantee those who love Him eternal peace in Heaven.

Until that time Mommy, I hope you enjoy Chuck's lights from heaven and I know that you are with me as every new memory is made. Hug Daddy for me and tell Jesus, I'm trying my best.  He'll understand.  And Thank You! Thank you for loving me with the unconditional love only the good Lord and a mother could have.
Merry Christmas, Mommy!
I love you!
Love,
Cat

The Christmas Season can be very difficult for anyone who has lost a loved one or has suffered any kind of loss.  While everyone is focusing on gifts, decorations, and parties, those who are hurting are focusing on that.  Their joy is lost beneath the sadness loss.  Believe me, I have shed my fair share of tears these past days and that's okay, but I won't let my joy be taken.  I wrote this letter to heaven because I wanted to honor the memory of my Mom and I wanted to publicly thank her for the amazing gift she gave us.  Because of her, I can find my new found joy in the One who this season is truly about, Jesus.

God promises us that if we love Him we will share in eternal peace in Heaven. God promises that His Grace is greater than any sin we have. God promises that one day, every tear will be wiped away, there will be no more death, sorrow, or pain, the old will pass away. God also promises that all who believe in Him will be raised to a new life with Him in Heaven. I am holding on to those promises and believe that I will be with my loved ones again. 

Whatever your struggle this Christmas Season, you can find your strength, your peace, your comfort, and your refuge, from the one who was born this Christmas Day, Jesus Christ. If you have not accepted Jesus, give yourself the greatest Christmas present there is and pray this prayer:  Jesus, I am a sinner and I believe you came to this earth, that you suffered and died on the cross, rising again on the third day to save me from that sin.  This day, I accept you as my Lord and my Savior. Amen.

Merry Christmas!!!