Warts and All

I was thinking last night about perception. Weird huh? But given some of the thoughts I've had lately I'll take this. Actually I have Mike Tyson to thank for these thoughts. I was watching the new television program "Same Name" where a celebrity and an average person with the same name switch places for a couple of days and live the life of the other.  My initial thought was, "Good grief! Of all people Mike Tyson! This can't be good for this average Joe!" We've all heard the story of how he bit off Evander Holyfield's ear! But as I watched I developed a whole new perception of Mike Tyson the boxer. I am trying not to be skeptical but for the show at least, the Mike Tyson I saw was humbler, kinder, gentler, God-fearing and loving. He took on the life of a man who shared the same name as he but was not a fierce fighting machine; no he was a nurse who worked in a free clinic serving people who couldn't afford insurance and so Big Mike Tyson took on that role and did so with compassion and sensitivity. He treated each person he met with dignity and seemed genuinely interested in them.

When asked about his past behavior and how he found serenity, Mike explained that he had built this persona of a mean, tough, out of his mind crazy person to protect himself from ever being hurt or bullied. And after building that facade, he began to truly live it and let it become who he was with disastrous outcomes.  It took the tragic death of his four year old daughter to bring him back to reality, along with a lot of counseling. That story told, I started thinking about myself and others, wondering what kind of persona we have built to elicit a certain perspective from others.

Personally, for many years, I built the persona of this angry, strong-willed, rebellious, I can handle anything woman. Much like Mike, I did this to protect myself from being hurt. It didn't work and in fact it only caused more pain and lonliness.  By building these "walls" of protection, it only proved to alienate people from me and cause me to substitute human relations with more destructive behavior. It was many years of loniless before the heart of one man ignored his initial perception me and chose to help break those walls down forcing me to look at myself in the mirror. 

It's never easy to be so vulnerable, almost naked, before yourself or anyone else, but when you are finally honest and open about who you are and what you are about, somehow the burden is so much lighter. Not only have I learned, thanks to that man, my husband, that the real me is way more lovable than the fake persona I created, but I've learned that being the real me is not a sign of weakness or vulnerability but is a sign of confidence and maturity.

It is only when you are the "real" you that you can experience genuine love and friendship. If you are hiding the real you behind a facade of any kind, be it that the all is rosy in your world when the reality is that its all thistles and weeds or that you can handle anything and in reality you are an emotional wreck, you cannot experience genuine love. Genuine love comes when someone is given the opportunity to know you, warts and all and chooses to love you anyway. Wouldn't you rather be loved for who you are rather than who people think you are?

Perception is everything really and is something that can follow you forever. Just as Mike Tyson will forever be known as the man who bit Evander Holyfield's ear, despite his efforts to change, I feel that there are still people who perceive me as the hard, angry, in control person of yester-year because that was their first perception of me. I can personally say, that I enjoy the genuine love I receive today, because those in my life know the real me, warts and all!

I don't know where my life would be today if my husband hadn't chosen to ignore his first impression and instead help me become real, but what I am sure of is that being real is so much more rewarding then faking it. Whatever mask you are wearing, take it off! Because the real you is worth loving a whole lot more that the fake one, warts and all!

What do you want people's preception of you to be?

Until next time, my mask is off!
God Bless,
Cat