It's been awhile since I have been inspired to write and I probably stand to get some negative feedback on this post, but I can no longer sit quietly by. I've tried to remain silent, keeping my opinions to myself, but when every piece of news and my Facebook page is bombarded, everyday, by the Ray Rice scandal, now, I speak.
First and foremost, I am going on the record to say that I, in NO way, condone, accept or have any tolerance for domestic violence or any violence, period. I have been a witness to what domestic violence does to the victim and I have counseled ladies who are victims of domestic violence. I am the first to say, "If you are being abused, physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, get out! Protect yourself!" I would say this to a woman or a man, because while it is not publicized frequently, we all know that abuse happens to men as well as women. These are situations where abuse is ongoing, frequent, and the abuser doesn't or won't recognize what he or she is doing. With that being said, I want to share my thoughts on the Ray Rice situation.
When the first video surfaced of Ray dragging his then fiancé out of the elevator and it was announced that charges were filed for assault, I knew there had to be more to the story than what the public was seeing and after the "timely" release of the second video, I was right. What, I or any of us are not aware of, is what transpired before the elevator incident. Both Ray and Janay have admitted that they were both intoxicated and it is obvious that there was "mutual combat" as was evident both inside and outside of the elevator, documented in the surveillance video. Again, it is NEVER right to put your hands on another person in anger and there is NEVER a "good" excuse. Ray openly admitted that what he did was wrong. Janay opening accepted responsibility for her part in the altercation and forgave her fiancé for his actions. Even the prosecution, didn't feel that this was an ongoing cycle of abuse warranting jail time, but agreed that Ray Rice should participate in pre-trial counseling; which he did. His now wife, Janay, gave an impassioned speech to the NFL stating that nothing like this had ever happened before or since that incident. Is that the truth? Only they know. What has been reported is that they both have been participating in counseling since. When the NFL, gave Ray a 2 game suspension for violating the code of conduct clause, I thought it was ridiculous. Again, there is no way to know what was going on the mind of Roger Goodell at that time. I believe that the NFL had received and viewed the video in full when they made that decision, but their hope was that it was never going to be released to the public. That is pure speculation on my part. But then, someone wanted the big payoff from TMZ for the video and voila the airways exploded as did the court of public opinion and with it went the lives of Ray, Janay and their daughter. Now, covering their butts, the NFL suspends Ray Rice indefinitely from the game, his job and the Ravens to "protect" their image, release him from the team.
So here we are, a scandalous investigation into who knew what and when; a man has been torn apart in the media and the court of public opinion; he has been stripped of his ability to do the job he had and provide for his family and it leaves me thinking about a lot of things. Who gets to decide that a one time incident of abuse deserves a harsher punishment than 2 rape charges or spending time in jail for dog fighting? Who is pulling the strings, the NFL or the public? But I guess the biggest thing I wonder about is when did it become okay as a society to publicly lynch someone for something they have done wrong and accepted responsibility for? I find this particularly difficult to swallow when it comes from those who wear the title of Christian.
I have been guilty of judging others and I have been the recipient of others judgment. I have focused on the wrong someone else has done without considering my own failures. Matthew 7:5 says, "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." I have not always led a life where I considered the results of my actions. For a good part of ten years, I harbored an anger that manifested itself in very destructive ways. I used drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and with that I unleashed my anger on everyone around me; family, friends, and perfect strangers. I would open my mouth and vile, disgusting, hurtful words would flow like vomit. Really tick me off and I would throw punches like a man. I didn't have a problem hitting my little sister, my mother, my boyfriend or punching some guy in a parking lot because I didn't like the way he looked at me. There but by the grace of God go I, that I was never charged with assault. It took the love and patience of a good man and a Mom who never gave up me to bring about a change in me; a change that made me consider the needs of others rather than my own. For once I considered how my words would affect another. I learned that harsh words leave an indelible imprint on the heart of the person they are heaped on.
Some twenty years later, I am still reminded of my past and current failures. It can be someone reminding me that I was a horrible teenager that no one thought could ever be redeemed or someone saying, "you smell like smoke" reminding me that I still have a vice. What I am getting at is that I'm not perfect. You are not perfect. No one is perfect. We all have things we have done that we wish we could undo, but unfortunately we can't. I sometimes think that it's easier to look at and focus on the faults (speck in the eye) of another then to remember that we have a giant plank in our own eye. You may not have committed assault against someone, but you may be guilty of injuring someone's character, affected someone's marriage, stolen, lied, or any number of things we wouldn't want to be judged for. Imagine for one minute if one thing you regretted doing suddenly became public knowledge and was plastered all over the news and social media. Then people you have never met and even people who know you decided to ignore all the positive in you and judge you by that mistake. How would you feel? I know I would be devastated.
In the Book of John, Chapter 8, the teachers of the law and Pharisees, brought a woman into the temple courts where Jesus was teaching. She was accused of committing adultery, so they questioned Jesus what they should do with her, stating that the law of Moses required that they stone her. Jesus bent down and began to write in the sand and they continued to question Him. Jesus stood and said, "If any of you are without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." He bent down and began to write in the sand again. After hearing this the men began to leave one at a time, the older men first. A moment later Jesus stood and asked the woman, "Where have they gone? Has no one condemned you?" "No," she replied. "Neither do I," Jesus said. "Now go and leave your life of sin."
Bottom line, who are we to throw stones at anyone? We've all screwed up at some point and guaranteed, we will screw up again.
Acts 3:19 says, "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins can be wiped away, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord..." The key word here is Repent. We have to recognize when we have done wrong, admit it and change it; break the cycle. I have heard the press conferences and have read the statements of Ray and Janay. Do I believe he recognizes what he has done? Absolutely. Has he admitted his failure? Yes, he has. Will he change his behavior? I believe he is taking the steps needed to prevent this from happening to again.
Punishment comes along with sin and the punishment should fit the "crime". Ray has been punished, harshly, by the governing bodies at the NFL, so why do we continue to punish him on social media? Why do we take pleasure in posting parody photos of him? Should we really be taking pleasure in another man's pain? When we continuously bash someone with our words, it's abuse, we might as well be in that elevator throwing punches at both of them. The only difference, we are throwing jabs while hiding behind a computer screen.
So, let's throw down the stones people and let the "powers that be" handle this. In the famous words of a fluffy little bunny named, Thumper, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." One day you may find yourself on the receiving end of a social media firestorm, begging to be left alone.
Until next time, the only stones I'm throwing are in a pond!
God Bless,
Cat
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